Ah well…big leap for me... living life as an otaku after a 4
year long problematic and nurturing journey through a ‘business school (the
term should salutary be reserved for top-tier institutes, the one I was
enrolled to was more like, well, a meat-market!) And to be honest, I was not
quite sure what I’d become on the other side of the transformation that was
soon to begin. It’s been a hell of an
experience until now. To begin with, a workaholic (yeah, Big Surprise!) like me
just HAD to go through the most unpurposeful and unengaging phase of my life
which is, if you’ll pardon my metaphor, depressing like Paris Hilton’s sex
tape.
Well, after 4 years of calculating bond-prices and doing
SWOT analysis for companies where I can only dream about working in, I’m
staying idle at my home and I swear it does NOT seem like 4 years have gone by.
During the course it seemed like this time would never come, but now it just
feels like the whole thing just raced past… At the time, the tedium was
unbearable; classes, presentations, tests,
K.U’s nightmarish questions during exams, my Spanish classes in between
and sleepless nights… but now all I can remember are my friends, shopping with
them, trudging through the corridors in the college and smirking at ppl with
horrendous clothing sense and personal hygiene(who wears a pearl set and
bathroom slippers to college??!) our oh-so-lavish b’day treats( I’d spent
almost all of my internship- stipend on treating my friends) the frequently
hovering at Shisha and at our very own Central Perk-Coffee Station … just the
good times... It’s odd how the grass is always greener on the other side… Back
then I was dying for classes and my internship to get over, now I’m feeling so
restless that I wouldn't mind going back. But it’s only for the part of college
other than the academic part of course…: P
The funny thing is that all this while I was waiting for my
college to get over so that I could start preparing for my MBA, start with GMAT
classes and try to continue working at Standard Chartered after completing my
internship there. But none of that seem
to be working right for me. I was also proud for making it through the course
without having to sit for a single compartmental exam. But pride lasts only so
long, right? It seemed to be almost anticlimactic, with a little but compelling
voice in the back of my mind asking “now what?” The pressure of graduation, the
need to start looking for a job and then the uncanny and weird positions that I
engage myself to towered the pride I should be have been feeling.
Well, initially, I’d thought it shouldn't be so hard. I've seen multiple people go through this. In fact, I've myself judged and
disapproved of people who rant about their unproductiveness and are obsessed
with downloading self-help journals or books with the promise of a more focused
and productive life or a “8-week solution for shaping your mind, career..” with
revolutionary ways of mapping ideas and plans for success. Geez.
I've never wanted to join the club. But ever since I was
done with my exams, that’s all I have been doing- calculating and
re-calculating days I've stayed ideal-hoping for a math error, only to realize
that it has been 3 fucking months! (Whoever said ‘time flies’ is getting a
closed-fist punch in his scrotum. I swear.)
I was actually very happy the months before this- August and
September. I was cheerfully putting my latest hobby to work. I was downloading
books and latest season of Modern Family (btw, why are they replacing adorable
yet prop-like silent Lily on the show?? Ugh.) But for the past few weeks, I've been wanting to sink into a complete oblivion. Just somehow wishing that the
next day passes without my mom or anyone noticing my idleness. So, I started
engaging myself in doing household chores. I started cleaning my closet, my
book rack, and scrubbing the bathtub. Inevitably, my insane need to get
everything in spot and clean was getting stronger day-by-day. The neat freak
Monica Geller began to rupture out of me. Except that it wasn't funny and it
started scaring my mom.
The sun is just about to set, and like a nocturnalist I
begin my day. I am at my best at night between the hours 9-2 am. I more relaxed after a day-long panic of
realizing that the day has just flown by like any other day. And that today is going to end up the same
way as it did yesterday, and like a sucker I am going to google 10 random posts
that have the 7 keys to a productive life!
So come on ppl, what is the secret? Please don’t tell me the seven
biblical methods such as introspection or ‘soul-searching’ or trashy
meditations…mainly because I've tried it all. My patience is wearing thin and
so is my attention span...It’s even getting difficult for me to sit through a movie or read a book because I
end up goggling words every time a random thought passes my mind.
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